there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
