hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize