We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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