I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
