you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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