I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
