hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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