you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Randomize
