People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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