Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
