I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
