Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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