i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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