It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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