Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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