just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
