so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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