she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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