There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
