can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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