saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
