She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
