I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
