There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
