So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
