lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
