allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
