im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
