I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
