maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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