I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
