Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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