I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
