you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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