You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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