I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
