party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
