no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
