You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
