One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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