I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
