apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
