Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
