yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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