Why does Corona taste like a burp?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
