Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
