We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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