does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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