3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
