So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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