Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
