I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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