the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The adults are the big ones right?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
