wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
