I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize