I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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