did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
