Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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