Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
