so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
