I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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