I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
