I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize