I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think your dad took our porno
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
