I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
