He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
