3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
