did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
