you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I will pee on everything he values.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
