What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
