She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
