Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
