i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So squirting runs in the family.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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