Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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