This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
