So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
