you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
