matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
