hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
