If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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