pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
