i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
