Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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