I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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