Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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