I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
