I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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