DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Dear god my vagina.
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