Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize