and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
