Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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