sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
